Wording Emails for the Deal? [How To Negotiate]

hey guys trying to get a good deal on a Tacoma trd off-road locally! trying to word this email well so the dealer knows i’m serious. this is what the email reads.

hello, i have test driven this vehicle and am very interested in leasing it.
i’ve noticed the stickered price of 39,152; would you be able to do near 11% off msrp, pre-incentive?

additionally, incentives look to be about 2500.
(1750 lease cash)
(250 black Friday cash)
(500 student cash)

money factor also looks to be .00245 through tfs.
i would also be interested in doing msd’s.

my preferred terms would be as follows;

sale price: 11% off msrp
incentives: $2500
money factor: .00245
term: 24/12k
9 msd’s

if we can come to a similar deal i would be willing to move fast. Thank you and i hope to hear back soon!

are my numbers good? and is the email worded alright? thank you!