What do you think of my email script?

Ask the Hackrs
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1

I live in the NYC area. I was going to send this script to something like 30 dealers. Thoughts?

Hi,

I am ready to buy a 2023 Kia Sportage Hybrid right now. Below are my required specs:

-2023 Kia Sportage Hybrid LX or EX
-MSRP must be under $32k; I will take any combination of options as long as the MSRP (including freight/handling) is $32k or under
-I will take any of the following colors: Steel Grey, Fusion Black, White Pearl, or Gravity Grey
-I am willing to buy any car that meets the above criteria right now at MSRP with zero dealer/market adjustment. I will not pay for any dealer accessories/add ons. If you must charge a doc fee/dealer fee/acquisition fee, then it must be deducted from the MSRP. In other words, I am willing to pay an out the door price of MSRP plus TTL.
-I am entitled to any manufacturer to customer incentives

If you are willing to do the above deal, please let me know and I will buy the car right now, no further questions asked. If not, I understand. Please do not ask me to come into the dealership. The deal must be negotiated over email/phone first. I am emailing multiple dealerships, so the first one to agree to the above terms gets my business. If the market is too hot right now for the above deal, please keep me in mind for the future, I’m fine with waiting.

Thanks so much!

UPDATED VERSION based on feedback from this thread:

Hi,

I hope you are well! I am ready to buy a 2023 Kia Sportage Hybrid right now. To make your life easier and mine, I’m just going to get straight to the point. : ) Below is what I’d love to do:

-2023 Kia Sportage Hybrid LX or EX
-MSRP under $33k (any combination of options)
-Any of these colors: Steel Grey, Fusion Black, White Pearl, or Gravity Grey
-Out the door price = MSRP + TTL + doc fee - discount equal to doc fee

If you can do the above deal, I can send a deposit now and pickup the car whenever is good for you. If you don’t have inventory right now I can wait or do a custom order. Have a great day!

Thanks so much!

2 Likes
2

If I’m a dealer and received this, I’d immediately ignore you.

It’s inaccurate and sounds rude.

Doc fee and dealer fee are same thing. They’re also standard and a dealer is entitled to it.

If you’re leasing, an acquisition fee is from the bank. Also, unless a bank is offering a waived acq fee special, they’re entitled to it.

And your last line just makes you sound rude. I wouldn’t tell a dealer you’re entitled to anything when you’re trying to get them to sell you something on your desired terms.

Just be casual and write it the way you’d want to receive it.

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3

A quick phone call will get you better results than this email.

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4

Interesting. I don’t find this email rude at all, I’m just laying out the deal I’m interested in. They are welcome to ignore it. What part did you find rude, I’m curious? Good catch on the acquisition fee, I’ll take that out. I understand the doc fee is standard. That’s what I said I will pay MSRP less the doc fee so the net comes out to MSRP.

5

Why do you think so? Maybe I start with an email blast to 30 dealers and if I don’t get results then I call? Just trying to spend the least amount of time on this.

6

“I will not pay”

“I am entitled to”

Reverse your language to say what you will do and be nice/casual. This email makes it sound like you’ll be unpleasant to work with (I don’t mean to be harsh just being honest)

Also, if your goal is to pay msrp - doc fee it’s not clear at all

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7

shift + delete.

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8

There’s easier sales to chase than this. 90% of sales personnel would delete this after the 3rd bullet point.

A clever manager will create an entry into eleads/desking and note that you will be difficult to work with based on the language before assigning the lead to a green pea for their amusement.

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9

The whole thing is just way too long and wordy for anyone to take seriously.

It will either get immediately deleted or they won’t read it at all and just call/email you back asking basic stuff or for you to come in.

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10

Thank you for the advice, that’s helpful. I revised the script to try and incorporate your tips and those of the other guy who said it was too wordy. I edited the original post to put it there. Would appreciate your thoughts.

11

If youre going to send an email, it should be:

Im interested in stock number xxxx.
I am willing to pay yyyy based on tier 1 approval with z% tax rate for zzzzz zip code.
If that works, i can be there in 1 hour.

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12

Ok, thanks for the feedback. I edited the original post to make it less wordy if you want to check it out.

13

Salesmen aren’t going to put the effort in reading this. They barley even get up and if they do, it’s to grab something to eat :neutral_face:

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14

A email will most likely not be read or taken too seriously. I do like the #2 version better but a phone call makes you more human which helps when asking for sticker.

15

Also: I wouldn’t expect to get doc fee discounted on anything hybrid right now.

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16

Heck, I’m not a dealer and already have.

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17

Fixed it…

1 Like
18

Lol, my email draft really bothered you huh? : )

19

Good stuff thanks. Maybe I start with my version 2 email and if no bites, then resend in a couple weeks with the doc fee line taken out?

20

What email draft? :grin:

2 Likes